"Frozen Angles"

I'm in the middle of watching a documentary on Netflix called Frozen Angels and I JUST stopped my fears. What amazed me is how I have been trying to down play what my role is and how amazing I truly am for what I am doing. It just ridiculous how I don't want to call attention to myself as a surrogate because I don't want to draw any extra attention. I feel this stemmed from the last surrogacy. It wasn't that long ago and what struck me from the movie was, after the surrogate gave back the baby, she sat in the bed... Alone. THAT is the toughest part of it all. After the birth, you (the surrogate) are not important anymore. You've done your job;you're  unneeded. The fabulous ride feels over. It upsets me now because I know I have irrational heartache from surrogacy that I currently try to be even more reserved or detached so that, when this amazing journey is over, I'm not upset of its ends. I remember crying right after my first surrobabies birth and hugging my husband knowing that my job was done. Amazing yet final.  It's hard not to feel special and needed anymore. I KNOW that her family is grateful and I know that  her life would not exist without me and I KNOW I am amazing to being able to give them that... I just am not sure why I feel like hiding this. 

I'm a surrogacy success! Two pregnancies and only two transfers.  One healthy baby born so far and one growing strong. No complications. No issues. We have been lucky. 

I am going to remember what lead me here. I'm a Surrogate because I want to give to someone in a way that many cannot. I want to help someone that difficulty getting pregnant and felt there may have been no help.  I want to see the face of these wonderful people when I give them back their gift. I want to know I did something amazing with my life. 

I want to feel better now and I think I do. Yay!