So, it's pretty clear that this little man wants out. I'm only about 22 weeks along and I think, this being my 4th pregnancy, that my uterus is a bit more "limber" than most baby pockets. I feel him all up in the ribs, in the side, low in my vagina... he's taking up all my insides, I can barely breath. I'm wondering if I can fit much more in there. Honestly, I know, the worst is yet to come. He was a little over 1 pound at 20 weeks and I'm suprised because Babycenter tells me that he should have only been about 3/4th pound. Why? Why? WHY do I make monster babies? Somehow this baby will come out 8 lbs or bigger and I don't think it's even possible!
Well, to top off the elasticity of my stomach. My tear ducts continue to be "limber" as well. I am still a running water fountain. I have so many things constantly on my mind, it makes it really hard to learn how to cope with NOT THINKING. I lack motivation to do much because I end up doing too much and it just stresses me out. Here, I'll give you a run down of my life since the school year began. Hopefully you care, because if you don't it really DOENS'T MATTER... Just stop reading now!
At my old campus, I worked with people that were pretty flexible and were open to new ideas. We worked really well together and I never felt as if I was pushing them to do anything. They would tell me I had really good, creative ideas. I guess I wasn't pushy because we were all on the same page of working together and having a common goal for our students. I never had to worry about watching others do fun activities and not sharing their lessons. We didn't hide things or not want to make copies because we were too lazy or whatever. WELL.... not the case here. I could be blind to it but I feel that I am now talking to air. People are not open to my ideas becuase THEY ARE MINE! I feel like they think I'm a know-it-all goodie two shoes and any suggestion I have goes in one ear and out the other. It's a difficult feeling because I know I'm pretty good at what I do, yet I'm being overlooked or ignored. It's, pardon my language... SHITTY!
Oh, but that's not all! I am not a self-contained teacher, which means I have moved from just teaching Math/Science/Social Studies, I have to now teach Language Arts. I am doing pretty well with it but this aspect of teaching involves tons of testing... reading levels, word recogintion, constant monitoring that I"m not used to that somehow HAS to be completed while still teaching everything else. I don't have an aide, I don't get help, and I have a team that is struggling with handling their own business, they aren't available to help others. I'm a NEW TEACHER all over again. Fun stuff, I know!
There is another major concern that I have no control over that constantly comes into play and as much as I try not to think about the possibilities, make is hard to push aside. Sorry for not being able to ellaborate further but you can only imagine.
Family life is difficult. Manuel has been working a lot and his schedule or continuous change in his schedule makes it difficult for me to want to plan a week out. Will he be home? Will he be eating dinner with us? What time will I actually leave work to come home? Am I doing the right thing by my kids?
If I was a more confident person, I would know the answers to all these questions. Shut up, make a desicion, and stop dewelling on things I cannot control. Stop crying over things that I am unable to fix. Why gripe? Just do me, take care of what is important... My family! Find a way to work and still keep my job and stop worrying about the crazies I deal with at work.
After typing this up... I'm realizing my life is not that terrible and, maybe just maybe, tomorrow might be a great day! =)
